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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments can become “really delusional”, he explains. You’re riding high and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually coming after a “crash”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his actions, making him highly sensitive to criticism from external sources. He came to wonder he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors on the internet – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. However, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that understanding on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they feel a sense of being better. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what people refer to as the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a psychology professor, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people hide it, because of so much stigma linked to the condition. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through behaviors including pursuing power,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Although three-quarters of people found to have the condition are males, findings points out this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that women with NPD is typically appears in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, just kind of like everything in society,” says a young adult who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

First-Hand Experiences

It’s hard for me with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she shares, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I either go into a defensive state or I become unresponsive.” Despite having this response – which is known as “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures during development. I’ve had to teach myself continuously which behaviors are and is not appropriate to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me in my formative years,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were criticizing me when I was growing up.”

Origins of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with early life adversity. Genetics play a role,” says an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, like him, struggles with mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his doctor, John was referred to a therapist for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been shown to help NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: The estimate was it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a small circle about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is beneficial,” he says. All of the people have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the condition. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number